It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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