my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Two words: blizzard sex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
