I want to have your abortion
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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