Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
