Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
