i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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