i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
