why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
