Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
