Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
