Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
