he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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