My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
