You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is the high leading the old right now
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
