if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
