that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
