I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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