we have officially mastered the walk of shame
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
