so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
