I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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