i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
