Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
