Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
