i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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