Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
