I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
