his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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