he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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