My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
