My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
