I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
