i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
