well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Every concussion has its silver lining
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
