Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
