The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
