I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
