i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
