Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
