So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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