no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My vagina is very pro this idea
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
