tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
