dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
