I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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