entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
