im drinking this country out of the recession.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
