I smell stomach acid.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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