i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
