Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
