His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My liver just had a heart attack.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
