Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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