the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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