I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
